Pregnant and Depressed Status Update (and with more than 200 characters!)

So I've been feeling so stressed/tired lately that every time I get on the computer to blog I end up over on facebook and just read everyone's status updates over there and call it good. I don't even bother posting my own! Lazy, lazy, lazy girl! So here's some updates I could have posted but didn't.

Update #1: After 8 showings and 1 month on the market we haven't gotten any takers on our house. Learning patience. (And how to clean as I go. Sort of.)

Update #2: My myriad of supplements doesn't always cut it when it comes to my mood disorder. I've had a few days where I've been bordering on non-functional. Might be time to call my psychiatrist. Being mood disordered and depressed is probably worse for the baby than Prozac. . .

Update #3: Decided to wait on calling the psych. Decided to withhold judgment until fetus and I made it out of the first tri. Well, that was last Saturday and while I'm starting to get a little more energy my anxiety level is ratcheting itself up every day. What the heck was I thinking?!? Four children?!?!

Update #4: As scared as I am of having to deal with an infant and the crazy that comes with it (so scared I spent whole therapy session on it. EMDR here I come! Say what you want about the tapping and the eye-rolling; it works for me.) I like toddlers. I like preschoolers. I like first graders. Kids keep growing and they just keep getting better. *deep breath while contemplating light at end of tunnel*

Update #5: Embarrassing but true: I find the updates about New Moon fascinating. If only I could find a way to write a paper on that. P.S. Team Jacob folks, you crack you me up!

Update #6: Seems like all I ever work on is staying in the present. Today is no exception. Instead of rehashing the my PPD past or fretting about a future that I really have no clue about, I'm going to be where I am now. Maybe. Hopefully. Today is a field trip with my daughter's preschool and a sunny day and the last day of school before Thanksgiving break. It will be good.



p.s. Fall in Colorado is beautiful!!!

Optimism (The Mask)

A friend of mine is working on opening up an expressive arts studio and therapy center. She's been running a couple workshops over the last few weeks and invited me to participate. And, well, since I like artsy stuff and I like therapy, art therapy is like the chocolate truffle of mental health activities; I just can't get enough!

For the last two weeks I joined Nancy and several other ladies in mask making. Last week we made actual molds of our faces out of plaster (and some interesting possible poem thoughts came to my mind. . .) and this week we transformed those masks into something completely different.

Nancy really encouraged me to come to the art-making process with no preconceived notions. No thinking ahead. No planning out. No pushing or prodding or researching. She and I have talked about how my writing has stagnated--possibly because I've been spending too much energy thinking and planning and researching and prodding and not enough time playing. Well, tonight I had notions and I had ideas (it's so hard to let go of my intellect!) but when Nancy pointed out that I was welcome to use her lighter as part of my art all those ideas went up in smoke.

The aim-n-flame and I spent quite a bit of time together and, after Sarah mentioned something about layers and Heather said I was creepy, well, I followed my gut and "Optimism (The Mask)" was born. When I brought it home my husband was kind enough to say he thought it looked like real art--like Nancy had been giving me some professional guidance. (I'm not sure I believe him, but that was sure nice of him to say.) I don't know if I'd call it art--at least not with all the strings that come attached to that word--but it was definitely exciting and interesting and troubling and consuming to create. It definitely stirred people up. It made me feel alive in all the places that being depressed (and pregnant) make me feel dead. And those things, in my mind, make it at least artist-ic.

So here it is in all it's ugly/beautiful glory. "Optimism (The Mask)". Enjoy. Or cringe. Just go with your gut. (P.S. In real life you can tell, but in the picture you can't. The newsprint is obituaries. That was a deliberate and significant choice on my part. And not just because it's morbid. And the things on it's eyes are rose-colored glasses.)Yes, I know. I'm strange. And possibly deeply troubled. *sigh* You'll just have to accept it.

The Mormon Therapist Blog

Hey folks,

Thanks to an interesting discussion (meaning: it's about sexuality! Love Kathryn Lynard Soper!) over at Blog Segullah I found an interesting Mormon mental health link, The Mormon Therapist. Looks like she's trying to figure out how to make money off her blog (good luck with that!), but if you scroll down and root around her site she's got some good stuff. She's got info concerning

*OCD and religion

*Exercise and depression

*Eating disorders

*Sexual dysfunction (This one has the most entries. Apparently people only feel comfortable asking these kinds of questions when they have the anonymity of the internet to bolster them.)

Her blog hasn't even been up for a year yet; I'm interested to see where/how it goes and if it survives. BUT it's an interesting experiment and another resource that just might be helpful--and that's why I'm linking to her. So check it out--just be ready for some frank discussions!