When I started this blog I had intended to use it to help monitor my moods. I guess I was thinking that if I could write about being depressed it might help ease the feeling. Like therapy but on a blog. You know, blog-apy. Turns out though that I'm usually not up to writing when I'm feeling down. I thought I'd go for it today though, cause, boy, do I feel lousy!
I think fatigue really exacerbates my depression and I didn't get much sleep last night, so this morning turned out to be one of those mornings. You know, the kind where you wake up, trip over seventeen giant piles of toys while trying to get up the stairs, change diapers to a shrill chorus of whines and screams, hand wash bowls and sippies since there are no clean dishes to more whining even though you relented and turned on the darn TV, and keep repeating to yourself, "this too shall pass, this too shall pass."
Just doing the amount of work it was going to take to keep us all functioning felt like too much today. I guess that's one of the things I hate most about being depressed: the amount of work and conscientious effort it takes for me to have a "normal" life. I have to be sure to take my medicine at the same time every day, I have to exercise every day, and I have to get plenty of sleep, because if any little thing is out of place in my life I can't cope with all the other demands. It feels unfair because I know other people can let things slide a little and not risk disaster. My life just feels so precarious sometimes.
You know what, though, it's naptime and nobody has died yet. (Although, when the 2 year old pushed the baby off the couch I thought someone might.) I got all but three dishes mashed into the dishwasher and the home teachers canceled (bless them!) so I don't have to worry about cleaning or vacuuming our front room. Today might be okay after all.
Hmm . . .I feel a little bit better. . .maybe the blog-apy is working . . .