Mirthful Monday: Two one-liners and a light bulb joke

"I'm only paranoid because everyone is out to get me."

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Psychiatrist to his nurse: "Just say we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse.'


***

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

-Just one, but the light has to really want to change.
-Just one. And his mother.
-Just one, but it takes nine visits.
-None. The light bulb will change itself when it's ready.
-"How many do you think it takes?"
-"How long have you been having this fantasy?"