A somewhat depressing update.

So remember a while back when I was all, "Oh, my depression is so well-managed right now. . . I can finally focus on other things. . .blah, blah, blah. . . I'm so well-adjusted, blah, blah. . ." well, that was only sort of true.

I'm sparing you (actually myself) the details because they are a little tedious and very pitiful, but suffice it to say this has been a difficult winter. I had a few panic attacks. I've had more suicidal episodes in quicker succession than I can ever remember having. I have NOT acted on anything--no 72 hour holds for this girl!--but there have been some long dark nights.

We've adjusted my meds 3 times and I'm hopeful that we've found something that works. I'm on Zoloft now. Hopefully that will cover things.

I'm back in therapy--this time with the DH because it looks like some of these suicidal episodes are some sort of PTSD that he might possibly be triggering. Writing that feels unfair because he most certainly doesn't mean to and the truth is that this is more about my dysfunctional mind than his actions, but we will have to work together to put this behind us. I'm mostly hopeful about this.

My oldest is doing some therapy. I don't want to go into details (you're not surprised about that are you? That seems to be the theme of this post.) but I'm hoping that a little therapy now will save us pain during the teenage years. She's a good kid--intelligent, kind hearted, she tries hard--she'll pull through this.

Also this winter has been  pretty hard on my son's atopy. It's been ugly this year. Maybe because everything's so dry.

So there it is. My somewhat depressing update. But, well, it hasn't been all bad. There have been a few moments like this:

And that brings back some balance.